UFC 91: Division Street: America

As an ode to Studs Terkel, Dana White decided to put this bout on as an oral history/radio teleplay.
These will be quick as I am fainting from making weight. Trying to make weight. To the Batmobile.

Brown vs Thomas: Thomas will probably out wrestle Brown, but I enjoy Brown's folk hero status. His last fight was also quite impressive. Brown by a tough guy decision.

Robinson vs. Bocek: Most experts call Bocek. For some reason I am still not sold on him. Robinson is an underacheiver. Robinson by TKO in the 3rd.

Stephens vs. dos Anjos: I'm ignorant. Most people say Stephens. I say dos Anjos via TKO in the 3rd by being Brazilian.

Gurgel vs. Riley: Gurgel. Really? Jiu-jitsu master. Tough guy. You know how it seems like Fedor can think outside of the fight and always be in control of what is going on. Gurgel is not that. Riley by TKO in the 3rd.

Hazelett vs. McCrory: I am very very very impressed with Hazelett after his crazy armbar transition on Burkman. McCrory is a barn cat. Is McCrory really a pro-fighter? How did that happen? Hazelett by sub in the 2nd.

Quarry vs. Maia: I like Quarry but he isn't a great fighter. Maia is the BJJ bombtrack. Maia by sub is inevitable.

Gonzaga vs. Hendricks: Gonzaga has the skill set. He is a beast. Does he have the drive? Can he put it all together. He is good enough to win this fight by sub in the 3rd.

Florian vs. Stevenson: I like both guys. Both have great ground games. I think Florian is a little better on the bottom. Florian is a better striker, especially on the outside. Stevenson can take him down, but I think Florian holds on and sweeps. Florian by decision. Maybe some nasty cuts and bleeding.

Couture vs. Lesnar: Why has no one compared Lesnar to The Boz yet. He is The Boz. Maybe he is really talented. I don't know. He isn't the first person to outwrestle Heath Herring. He might be the real deal. I think Randy is going to be his Bo Jackson running him over at the goal line. Couture has some of the best head movement and boxing in MMA now. He is great stamina. He has the best game plans. He has a great clinch. He will hammer Lesnar out of the half-guard. Maybe Lesnar is better than I know, he will have to come out and prove it. I see Randy beating the tar out of him and testing his chin. Lesnar will reflexively shoot for takedowns until he tires out. Does he cut easy? I don't know. If he does, Couture gets the TKO in the 4th. If not...decision.

Tell Arash Markazi to buy me a sandiwch. Take it to the corner. I'm going to faint now.