Late to the Game: Bow Down!

Being out of the loop, both fortunately and un, I was unaware of the brouhaha caused by President Obama's innocuous bow to a random old couple in Japan. What you say? It was no random old couple but rather those evil villains the Emperor and his Empress? What scandal! Why those two rapscallions control absolutely nothing in Japan. Has Mr. Obama pledged his loyalty to their powerlessness? One wonders. To judge the severity of this dark(hint hint) infraction I will compare this breach of decency with my daily life-itself a compendium of the upright.

People I have bowed to this week:

Every teenager in my school.
The principal.
The vice-principal.
Every instructor in my gym including the otaku who doesn't like me and kicks me.
Every person I have passed on the trail while hiking.
An old lady who couldn't find the entrance to the Hankyu station.
My girlfriend's brother and his fiancee.
The phone.
The guy behind the counter in the store when I paid for something cheap with a $100 bill.


You can see where this can lead. They all control my life in a dark plot just like the undercover Kenyan. I once accidentally bowed to a cat as I exited a store after bowing to the staff. You can see where it got me. Predicament some say, I say pickle.

What do the experts on bowing say? I would imagine something like this, "Don't listen to my absurd nonsense because no one can be an expert on something so nebulous. Just walk past me and ignore my drivel." Is that not how it transpired? Did someone discuss gradients in height and angle? Did I mention that when we begin kickboxing class I sit on my knees and place my head on the ground in reverence to the other black belt that I teach with? Forsooth! Is it not minutes later that I make fun of his clothes or his taste in music? Is it not together that we go drinking and further "josh around." Behold the horseplay! Beholden I am.

To paraphrase the Smothers brothers:

I am wearing this chicken suit to protest U.S. involvement in Central America.

What does that have to do with anything?

Exactly.